Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
