Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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