Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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