Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
