Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
