Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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