she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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