i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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