Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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