Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
