God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
