I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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