He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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