You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
