I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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