She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
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Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
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It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize