we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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