I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
