I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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