Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
