Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
