I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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