I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
