Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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