I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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