guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
