I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
