Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize