we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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