FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
