Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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