I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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