The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
