yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You're like the curious george of whores
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
