i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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