sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
