Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Pooping to opera.
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