I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
