bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
