its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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