i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
