Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
