Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
