i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
