i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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