I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
