Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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