i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
