the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
