Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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