allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My hand turned me down
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
