I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
