Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
