so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
