Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Screwed.edu
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
