I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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