I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
