im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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