please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
