I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
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Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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