This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
