I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
